Only The Lonely
by Nativechild
Summary: Complete!. Fraser is acting even stranger than normal. Please R&R. Please, this is my baby.
1. Something's Up

Lonely No More Feedback: Good God yes!  
  
Spoilers: A slight one for Mountie on the Bounty  
  
Warnings: A bit of a song fic  
  
Archive: Please! Just let me know so I can brag to my friends.  
  
Pairings: Fraser/RayK-Soon to be slash. Disclaimer: I own all of them. I just let Alliance think they do.  
  
Authors Notes: I don't own any of the songs (obviously) and the lyrics are used without permission. Sorry if I offended anyone, but between you and me, I don't really think they care. It's just free advertising.  
  
Ray was concerned about Fraser. He hadn't been acting like himself lately. He was acting even more strange than normal lately. Ever since the Henry Ander.er.Allen when Fraser and he'd been offered that transfer back to their regular lives, he'd been silent and even more withdrawn that usual. Since he hadn't been around the precinct lately and no one seemed to know where he was, I had decided to conduct an unofficial stake out, so I waited until Fraser was off duty and left the consulate. Since it had been a while since I'd to tail someone I messed up a couple of times and was almost caught and had to lag behind for awhile in order to stay out of sight. Finally, after what seemed like hours of walking, but was in reality probably only about half an hour, I saw him enter a bar that had a flashing neon sign that proclaimed they had BEER. Wait a minute. Fraser in a bar? Fraser in a bar when he didn't have to be? Voluntarily? With no case to investigate? That can't be right.  
  
After waiting for a few minutes, I went in and found a back table as I looked for Fraser in the crowd. He walked up the bar tender and started talking with. He obviously knew him by sight because when he saw Fraser he smiled and bent to pick a bottle of water up for him waving him off when he went to pay for it. He laughed as he said something to Fraser who immediately blushed even as he smiled, obviously pleased. He went to sit at the table and watched the stage where a couple of brave souls went up there to sing. After each person was finished, an announcer came up and asked for applause for the people. I couldn't really see why, other than to be polite, as none of the people had anything even approaching real talent. Finally, the announcer got up and said, "Now this man needs no introduction as he is known by pretty much all of ya, but for all the new comers out there, I present.Ben Fraser!" All the people who looked like they were regulars applauded enthusiastically as Fraser walked up the sat on the stool that was placed there for all the guitar players. He began by checking all the strings to make sure that they were perfect then cleared his throat into the mike. "All of you know this song, as it sung by Sarah McLachlan a woman with an amazing voice, but it is also the song I always sing when I come here. So, here it is. It is called Full of Grace."  
  
the winter here's cold, and bitter  
  
it's chilled us to the bone  
  
we haven't seen the sun for weeks  
  
to long too far from home  
  
I feel just like I'm sinking  
  
and I claw for solid ground  
  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
  
I never thought I could feel so low  
  
oh darkness I feel like letting go  
  
if all of the strength and all of the courage  
  
come and lift me from this place  
  
I know I could love you much better than this  
  
full of grace  
  
full of grace  
  
my love  
  
so it's better this way, I said  
  
having seen this place before  
  
where everything we said and did  
  
hurts us all the more  
  
its just that we stayed, too long  
  
in the same old sickly skin  
  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
  
I never thought I could feel so low  
  
oh darkness I feel like letting go  
  
if all of the strength  
  
and all of the courage  
  
come and lift me from this place  
  
I know I could love you much better than this  
  
full of grace  
  
full of grace  
  
my love  
  
Fraser's deep voice added a sadness to the song that told the listeners that here was someone that had felt the pain of being lost, alone and helpless. The silence in the room was complete. A person who started to clap broke the crystal clear silence, and soon the whole room was clapping madly, and a few even gave him a standing ovation. Fraser stood there for a minute and then walked off the stage, ignoring the women who tried to rub up against him, and the men who offered to buy him a drink. With polite nods to people, he was gone. I just sat there till last call thinking about Fraser and all that the song had said and realized it was true. He had not seen the sun for weeks. Not just for weeks, but for years.  
  
The next morning sitting at my desk two lines from the song kept running around in my head: I never thought I could feel so low; oh darkness I feel like letting go. I didn't like the sound of that. In fact, it pretty much petrified me. My best friend was in trouble and I couldn't do anything about it. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey, lou, could I talk to ya for a minute?"  
  
Welsh sighed and waved me in. "What is it detective? What kind of trouble are you and the mountie in now?"  
  
"Naw, it's nothin' like that sir. I'm worried about Fraser, sir"  
  
Welsh looked worried and I had the urge to smile. Whether he knew it or not, Fraser had managed to worm his way into all of the hearts at the precinct. Including, it seemed, into Welsh's. I might just tell that to Fraser just to see his blush and watch him stutter.  
  
"Why, what's wrong"  
  
I handed him a piece of paper with an address on it, "Meet me here, sir, at 8:00 pm"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Okay, detective, why are here?"  
  
"Just be patient, sir. You'll see."  
  
Sure enough, three minutes later Fraser walked in carrying his trusty guitar case. A few people got up to sing and left after they were given polite applause. Again, the announcer gets up to introduce Fraser and again the bar fell silent as his deep voice filled the room singing the same haunting song as before. I look over to see Welsh's reaction and do a double take. He is crying as he looks at Fraser, listening to his words as he pours his heart and soul into it. I look at the rest of the people in the bar and realise that there is not a dry eye in the place, including mine. He pauses for a minute as if listening to something and nods his head. He looks up, grins and says "on a lighter note I thought I might try another song. It is by Brian Adams and is called 'Everything I do, I do it for you' Here it goes."  
  
Look into my eyes - you will see  
  
What you mean to me  
  
Search your heart - search your soul  
  
And when you find me there you'll search no more  
  
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
  
You know it's true  
  
Everything I do - I do it for you  
  
Look into my heart - you will find  
  
There's nothin' there to hide  
  
Take me as I am - take my life  
  
I would give it all I would sacrifice  
  
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
  
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more  
  
Ya know it's true  
  
Everything I do - I do it for you  
  
There's no love - like your love  
  
And no other - could give more love  
  
There's nowhere - unless you're there  
  
All the time - all the way  
  
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
  
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more  
  
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you  
  
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you  
  
Ya know it's true  
  
Everything I do - I do it for you  
  
  
  
This time when I looked around I saw I saw smiles instead of tears. I turned to Welsh to point it out but he had already noticed. Even Welsh had a ghost of a smile. One person (It just happened to be voluptuous blond with a husky voice) stood up and asked for one more song. Fraser, turning almost as red as his uniform, complied with a blues number that pretty much summed up the city and how he felt about it. He began with his usual introduction, only with a blush added. "This song is called neon blue and is by a Canadian blues group named after the lead singer Holly Cole. The band is called Holly Cole Trio.  
  
Neon blue Strike the light through Feeling like a stranger Just passing through Sitting in this downtown hotel room Looking at the view The city takes Its toll out of you Neon blue  
  
Tombstones of tomorrow Cities cry of doom Echoes from the towers Like a ghost wind blowing through an empty room Flashes from the signs on the arcade, 10c off the dollar Its a sweet parade but nothing lasts forever Neon blue  
  
Street lights on the corner Splash their colours on the night Tape decks blaring, kids compare Stories of their flight into everywhere Riding the wires, reaching for the moon.......  
  
Street lights on the corner Splash their colours on the night The men drive by so slowly The deal is always red for gold Midnight in the city is always neon blue.......  
  
The men drive by so slowly The deal is always red for gold Midnight in the city is always neon blue....... Neon blue Neon blue  
  
Ignoring the pleas for more Fraser stood up took his bow and left. Welsh and I trailed behind going back to the precinct. We sat in his office in silence for about ten minutes. Finally I get the nerve to ask the Lou what he thinks the problem is.  
  
"Well, first of all, from the first and last song, I think it's safe to say that Fraser misses his home." Well dah, I think, that's obvious. But I say "What's the second?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said 'well, first of all.' What's the second?"  
  
"Detective, if you can't figure that out for your self, then you don't deserve that badge you carry"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End Chapter One Please, if you have any suggestions as to the rest of the story, I would be glad to consider them, in fact I need them. I have no clue as to where to go with story. Well besides the obvious. Just remember, I live on feedback and reviews. If any one wants to beta this and tell me what I'm doing wrong, go riiiight ahead. 


	2. Officer down

For all notes, see chapter one  
  
"I never thought I could feel so low; oh darkness I feel like letting go." One week. One week and I can't get that stupid fucking line outta my head. And what's worse is that now that I look, I can see all the signs of a cop about to lose it. I mean, he's even beginning to get snarky. Becoming impolite. Yeah I Know, I know, this is Fraser we're talkin' about, but he really is! I'm worried about him.  
  
  
  
Oh god, oh, god, not now, not now. Fraser was chasing an insane creep who had murdered a lot of people just because they got on his way. He was armed; Fraser was not. Very bad odds, considering the mood Fraser had been in lately.  
  
Oh, god. A loud shot had just had just echoed through the ally way where Fraser was chasing the guy. I had already called for backup and could just barely hear the distinctive sound of the sirens piercing the night.  
  
I ran to the entrance of the ally and pulled my gun. The guy was already running in the other direction as fast as he could. "Oh, no you don't you little fucker." I aimed my gun at him and fired. And fired. And fired. Until my gun was empty and his back was full of my bullets.  
  
On the ground I could see a red heap of Mountie trying to get up and failing. I ran to him and told him stay there and stay still as fumbled for my cell to call the paramedics with the words no cop ever wants to say: "Officer down"  
  
"Ray?" "Right here buddy." "Ray, how strange is it when you've actually become used to the feel of your own blood leaking out of you?" This very morbid question was accompanied by a pained smile as he tried to lighten the mood. Needless to say, it didn't work. "Yeah, well, if I have anything to say about it, you wont get used to it, because you will never get shot again." "Thank you, Ray" Fraser's breathing became shallow and faint. I could hear the ambulance in the background and begged them to hurry. In my own head the only thing that registered where the words 'officer down' as Welsh came and pulled me away to let the paramedics do their job and rush him to the hospital.  
  
I never thought I could feel so low; oh darkness I feel like letting go. 


	3. Tears, Idle Tears

It's not serious, well, not life threatening at any rate. But I'm sure it hurts like hell. The doctor's don't want him to come back any time soon, so they're making him stay for a week. They don't trust him not to take it easy, and I agree with them. Within an hour, he would be chasing down some purse-snatcher, putting some heavy-duty strain on his shoulder. The bullet went right through, but it made a hell of a mess on its path to freedom.  
  
I'm on suspension pending a psyche test to see if I'm nuts or not for killing that asshole. No doubt I'll get a lecture from Mr. Supermountie himself on 'rash and impulsive actions that could possibly lead to the harm of yourself or others'. Like I give a fuck, he hurt Fraser. Everyone is worried about him, Frannie's bawling her eyes out, Welsh is really silent, and I have that line running around in my head 'oh darkness I feel like letting go'. I feel like joining Frannie in her bawl fest.  
  
If I could, I swear I'd kick myself in the head, and but, and balls, all at the same time! Or maybe not, my nuts are retreating into my body at warp speed just at the thought of doing that.  
  
If I can't convince Fraser to tell me what's going on, I swear I will drag him to a shrink, park his but on a chair, and bully him into telling them what's going on. And then I'll interrogate the shrink until they tell me what's going on with him. Sounds fair, don't ya think?  
  
"Ray." A hoarse croak came from the bed and my tired body jackknifed into awareness with the speed only pure adrenaline could manage on the truly tired. "Frase! How are you buddy? Sore? Tired? Thirsty? What?"  
  
"All of thee above. Ray, what are you doing here? What happened?"  
  
"You were shot on the shoulder. You are to stay in that bed until the Doc says it's okay for you to move, and Frase, if you try to get up without her permission, I will personally fetch Nurse Ratchet to tie you to that bed where she will spoon feed you hospital food, sponge bath you, and generally watch you like a hawk all the time" That seemed to be an effective threat as I watched Ben's eyes widen and his face pale.  
  
"That's right, the same one you had last time you were here, and believe you me, she remembers you, and is rubbing her hands in anticipation, just waiting for you to misbehave.  
  
"You wouldn't," Ben whispered in horror, fear and disbelief warring for dominance on his face, "Not to me? Not to your friend?"  
  
"Better believe it, BentonBuddy."  
  
He stayed. In fact, he was the perfect patient. But I was still worried about him, and Welsh was beginning to look at me as if I were the most dense guy in the world. I just couldn't figure out why.  
  
"Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean. Tears from the depth of some divine despair Rise in the heart, and gather in the eyes In looking on the happy autumn fields And thinking of the days that are no more." --Lord Tennyson, "The Princess" 


	4. Dealing in Trouble

Dealing in Trouble  
  
  
  
And so it begins again. He made a full recovery, physically at least. I'm still worried about him. So much for being a detective. I can't even pry what's wrong out of him. Every time I do just come out and ask (all of one time) what the fucks the matter with him, he says nothing. Nothing. Yeah, right. I have picked up the phone to call a shrink, but every time I do, I can just see the anger and betrayal that will be in his eyes when I tell him. I just put the phone down.  
  
I followed him again, to the same spot, only this time without Welsh with me. I wouldn't be surprised to find him here anyway. Fraser began with the usual song and again added another one. I didn't even know he knew Savage Garden existed.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn't exactly grow up in the city, and there are few songs that can describe how I feel in such a large city, but some of these verses come pretty close. So here it is, The Animal Song by Savage Garden  
  
When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head And television freak show cops and robbers everywhere Subway makes me nervous, people pushing me too far I've got to break away So take my hand now  
  
Cause I want to live like animals Careless and free like animals I want to live I want to run through the jungle The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet  
  
I don't have any difficulties keeping to myself Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie Which one is more human There's a thought, now you decide  
  
Compassion in the jungle Compassion in your hands, yeah Would you like to make a run for it Would you like to take my hand, yeah  
  
Cause I want to live like animals Careless and free like animals I want to live I want to run through the jungle The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet  
  
Sometimes this life can get you down It's so confusing There's so many rules to follow And I feel it Cause I just run away in my mind  
  
When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head Television freak show cops and robbers everywhere Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie Which one is more human There's a thought, now you decide  
  
Compassion in the jungle Compassion in your hands, yeah Would you like to make a run for it Would you like to take my hand, yeah, yeah  
  
Cause I want to live like animals Careless and free like animals I want to live I want to run through the jungle The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet  
  
I want to live like animals Careless and free like animals I want to live I want to run through the jungle The wind in my hair  
  
I want to live And I want to live I want to live like animals I want to live like animals like animals like animals  
  
Well, he was making progress. At least this song had an upbeat sound to it, and maybe the lyrics weren't as depressing. But something was still wrong with him. I was going to find out what it was if it killed me. Or him. Which ever came first.  
  
  
  
"Ok, Frase, you are not leaving here until you tell me what the fuck is going on." Here being my apartment where we generally had pizza or Chinese after a case was closed.  
  
"Language, Ray, and I have no idea what you mean." "Like hell, that song you sang a couple days ago and I quote: 'When superstars and cannonballs are running through your head And television freak show cops and robbers everywhere Subway makes me nervous, people pushing me too far I've got to break away So take my hand now.  
  
I don't have any difficulties keeping to myself Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie Which one is more human There's a thought, now you decide'"  
  
"You still wanna tell me there's nothin' wrong? I won't believe ya." Frase had gotten very pale, well, more then usual, and he looked like he was gonna hurl. "You followed me?"  
  
"Fraser, I followed you a couple of times, onc,e a couple of days before YOU GOT SHOT! You still in denial? You and I got the next couple of days off; I can wait as long as you can. Even longer." I ignored the sceptical look he shot me and said "Go ahead, try me."  
  
He paused, looking like he was deciding what to do, trying to find a way out, when he says "All right. You sure you want to know? Think about it carefully Ray. This will change both of our lives. For better of worse is up to you." I didn't even have to think about it. "Shoot." I almost winced at my unfortunate choice of words, but shrugged it off.  
  
"I'm in love with you."  
  
In the words of Benton Fraser, oh dear. 


	5. Falling Hearts

Oh dear. What an understatement. In love? With me? Why? After that late night discussion we had (in which Fraser told me he loved me) I kinda thought that he would avoid me. I know I would. But this is Fraser we're talkin' about. He just came into the precinct the next day, completely unruffled, as if telling his best friend he loved him happened every day. I knew it was going to drive me nuts.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
After he had made that very startling statement Fraser just stared at me for a minute and with a short abrupt nod, which seemed to say he accepted and had even expected me reaction, stood up, tugged at his tunic in that way he had and said "Goodnight Ray, I'll see you tomorrow." I could do nothing but stare helplessly as he walked out the door, trying to convince my jaw that it really would like to go back to it's natural spot, and that it really wasn't necessary to hand there in lax amazement.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
You would think after I told him that I had occasionally followed to the club he goes into to sing, that he would be a little more careful about going and who might be following him. But no. Not Benton Fraser. He just walked in, easy as you please and got a bottled water. To give him a little credit, maybe he thought that now that I knew what was going on, I would have no reason to follow him. Wrong. Now I was even more curious. Again they followed the same procedure of introducing everyone to the audience, followed by same polite applause, and the same wild applause when Frase' got up. "Everyone knows I always do the same song when I come up here. Tonight I thought I would try something else. It is a very well known song called "Even Angels Fall" by a very talented artist, Jessica Riddle. It relates almost perfectly to me, but I don't know how well it will sound with only a guitar, so please try to bear with me." The audience smiled at that, as they knew that they would love what ever came out of that mouth and guitar.  
  
You found hope, you found faith. Found how fast she could take it away. Found true love, but lost your heart. Now you don't know who you are.  
  
She made it easy, made it free. Made you hurt till you couldn't see. Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows. But baby, that is how love goes.  
  
You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even angels fall. No such thing as you've lost it all. God knows even angels fall.  
  
It's a secret, that no one tells. One day it's heaven one day it's hell. And it's no fairy tale, take it from me. That's the way it's supposed to be.  
  
You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even angels fall. No such thing as you've lost it all. God knows even angels fall.  
  
You laugh, you cry, no one knows why, But oh, the thrill of it all. You're on the ride, You might as well, open your eyes.  
  
You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even angels fall. No such thing as you've lost it all. God knows even angels fall. Even angels fall. Even angels fall. Yeah, it did fit him. Change all the 'she's in there to 'he's and your all set. It fit him too come to think of it, what with The Stella and all.  
  
Now Welsh's comment in his office made sense. Oh my God, Welsh figured it out before I did. How weird is that? I mean, I'm the one who's supposed to know him so well, not my boss for fuck sake.  
  
Me and Fraser gotta have another talk.  
  
Hopefully, this one won't almost put me into shock. 


	6. Hurting Hearts

Okay, so he's avoiding me. I can deal with that. I'd told him that we needed to talk about something, and wouldn't you know it, the minute I say that, he turns into the stereotypical male he's never been and pulls a vanishing act on me. What great timing he and I have. At least I'm not in shock. Well, maybe still a little bit.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
This guy just doesn't learn. I've told him I followed him, I've told him we need to talk, and still the guy goes to the club with that damned sexy guitar of his. Oh, well, it makes my job of hunting him down and cornering him that much easier. Yet again (don't these people ever get tired of this routine, I know I am) the announcer get up, introduces a few people, then the fun really starts when Ben steps up. I swear the guy must have a huge fan club goin', the place is packed, and everyone is cheering. And I do mean everyone. Including me.  
  
" Hello, everyone. I'd like to start with a different song this time. The artist is Jordan Hill and the song is named 'Remember Me This Way'.  
  
Every now and then  
  
We find a special friend  
  
Who never lets us down  
  
Who understands it all  
  
Reaches out each time you fall  
  
You're the best friend that I've found"  
  
Why thank you Frase. Right back at ya.  
  
"I know you can't stay  
  
A part of you will never ever go away  
  
Your heart will stay"  
  
What the fuck? Can't stay? What's up with that?  
  
"I'll make a wish for you  
  
And hope it will come true  
  
That life would just be kind  
  
To such a gentle mind  
  
If you lose your way  
  
Think back on yesterday  
  
Remember me this way  
  
Remember me this way  
  
I don't need eyes to see  
  
The love you bring to me  
  
No matter where I go  
  
And I know that you'll be there  
  
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere  
  
I'll always care"  
  
Ah, Frase, I didn't know you cared. Okay, I did, but that's just beautiful. Go on, keep going.  
  
"And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you  
  
I'll be standing by your side and all you do  
  
And I won't ever leave  
  
As long as you believe  
  
You just believe"  
  
Well that's kinda creepy, but I can live with that. Behind my shoulder, huh?  
  
"I'll make a wish for you  
  
And hope it will come true  
  
That life would just be kind  
  
To such a gentle mind  
  
If you lose your way  
  
Think back on yesterday  
  
Remember me this way  
  
Remember me this way"  
  
Okay, that tears it. We will talk. Now.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
"Ouch! Ray, could you let go of my ear now, it feels like it's about fall off." "What, oh sorry Frase. What was with that song? Me leaving? Do you know something that I don't?" "What? Oh, no Ray. It's just that I didn't think you would want to stick around now that you know." "Not want to- of all the dumb things to come out of your mouth, this takes the cake! Fraser, you're my best friend! The first day I met you, I took a bullet for you. I put up with your stories, you weird cases, hell, I even like that donut-stealing wolf of yours! I-" Oh shit. Oh, fucking hell. Is that why I did all of those things? No, it can't be. I mean, I like Fraser; hell, I love the guy, but that way? Well, hell. You know, that clears up a whole hell of a lot things. Including why Stella's been givin' me those funny looks. "Ray? Ray, are you all right?" "What? Oh, I'm fine. But I gotta tell you something." Since when have not blurted out everything that was in my head? Why stop now? "Fraser, I love you. Not symbolically or nothin', but really in love with you." "." "Frase, you in there?" "What did you say?" "I said, 'are you in there?'" "No, before that." "I said, and I quote: 'I love you'." "That's what I thought you said. I thought you respected me more than that Ray" "Huh? Come again?" "As much as I would love to here those words for real, I don't need you're pity Ray." Fuck.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* I was later to learn that Fraser had done the unthinkable. He had told a lie. *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Again he avoided me, again I followed him, and again the (now) almost comforting ritual took place. "Ladies and Gentlemen, today I am only going to do one song. Here it is. It's by Nelly Furtado and it's called 'I'm Like A Bird'  
  
You're beautiful, that's for sure  
  
You'll never ever fade  
  
You're lovely, but it's not for sure  
  
That I won't ever change  
  
And though my love is rare  
  
Though my love is true  
  
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away  
  
I don't know where my soul is  
  
I don't know where my home is  
  
(And baby all I need for you to know is)  
  
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away  
  
I don't know where my soul is  
  
I don't know where my home is  
  
(And baby all I need for you to know is)  
  
Your faith in me brings me to tears  
  
Even after all these years  
  
And it pains me so much to tell  
  
That you don't know me that well  
  
And though my love is rare  
  
Though my love is true  
  
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away  
  
I don't know where my soul is  
  
I don't know where my home is  
  
(And baby all I need for you to know is)  
  
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away  
  
I don't know where my soul is  
  
I don't know where my home is  
  
(And baby all I need for you to know is)  
  
It's not that I wanna say goodbye  
  
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me  
  
Each and every single day I know  
  
I'm going to have to eventually give you away  
  
And though my love is rare  
  
And though my love is true  
  
Hey I'm just scared  
  
That we may fall through  
  
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away  
  
I don't know where my soul is  
  
I don't know where my home is  
  
(And baby all I need for you to know is)  
  
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away  
  
I don't know where my soul is  
  
I don't know where my home is  
  
(And baby all I need for you to know is)  
  
(repeat x 3)  
  
Every time you try to tell me that you love me/Each and every single day I know/I'm going to have to eventually give you away/And though my love is rare/And though my love is true/Hey I'm just scared/That we may fall through. Fuck this shit. Fraser lied to me! Me!  
  
"Fraser! You lied to me! You told me you didn't me when I told you I loved you, and here I am hearing these lyrics that tell me you, sir, are a fucking lier!"  
  
"Ray! Oh, dear." "No shit, Sherlock" 


	7. Reaching Out

**********************

Chapter 7

Okay, Ray, calm down. I can be calm. I can. I have to be. If I'm not calm, I'll have to hunt down that little shit and ring his neck. 

He ran! The little shit ran!

******* flash back*******

"Fraser! You lied to me! You told me you didn't believe me when I told you I loved you, and here _I_ am hearing these lyrics that tell me you, sir, are a fucking liar!"

"Ray! Oh, dear."

"No shit, Sherlock"

"Now, Ray, I can explain!" By this time the whole place is watching us with avid faces, paying rapt attention. Why can't they be this observant at a crime scene?

"I'd really like to see ya try Frase."

"Why don't we take this outside?" I could have sworn that I heard him mumble "So these people won't see me being killed." Good idea.

"Good idea, let's move."

Wouldn't ya know it. I follow him outside, and the little fucker had disappeared.

***********end flash back**********

I go to all the logical places to try and try and find him. I go to the consulate, I go to the precinct, I even go to a couple of parks! I even try the not so logical places, like other clubs. He's not in any of them. After searching for about 2 1/2 hours, I finally give up, and head back to my apartment for a sleepless night of tossing and turning. 

Low and behold, I get to back to my place, and I hear the strangest thing. My stereo is playing a song I don't have. 'Course, I could have left the radio playing when I left, but since I hadn't listened to it in a couple of days, I was pretty sure I woulda noticed it playin'.

I cautiously approach my door, thinking it's a burgler, but then I kick myself thinking, *Any burgler would be pretty stupid to be announcing his presence like that. * And since my door shows signs of being broken into, it could only be one person. Fraser. 

I pause outside the door listening to the music he's got playing, and I hear the WRRZZZZZZ that indicates the CD player is changing CD's. Since every other song that plays around him always gives me a clue about what is going on around him, I pause even longer and listen to the song that he has chosen.

It turns out that song by Amanda Marshall that Franny was going on and on about the other day, called 'Out of Bounds'

Standing on the edge of time   
Playing out a reckless pantomime   
And every day's another wrong to rectify   
I dream about a stranger's touch   
And voices in my head I cannot hush   
And every night's a hunger I can't satisfy.   
  
It's the secret that I keep   
It's the ache that makes me weep   
And I know I'm in too deep   
I'm gonna drown   
It's the emptiness I fear   
Baby, please don't leave me here   
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream   
That's out of bounds.   
  
I close my eyes and it's so real   
And all at once I know just what I feel   
And baby it's the kind of rush that terrifies   
I am weak -   
I am wrong   
And every day I swear that I'll be strong   
But there's a bond between us that I can't deny. 

  
It's the secret that I keep   
It's the ache that makes me weep   
And I know I'm in too deep   
I'm gonna drown   
And it's the emptiness I fear   
Baby, please don't leave me here   
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream   
That's out of bounds.  
  
I wanna surrender   
I wanna give in   
I wanna lay down and let it be now   
And let it begin   
Let it begin. 

  
It's the secret that I keep   
It's the ache that makes me weep   
And I know I'm in too deep   
I'm gonna drown   
It's the emptiness I fear   
Baby, please don't be leavin me here   
'Cause I'm lost inside a dream   
That's out of bounds

Out of bounds

Out of bounds.

Holy shit. That song just took on a whole new meaning for me. A meaning that revolves solely around Fraser. 

I think I may actually understand him now. About why the hell he keeps running from me. With that last song sayin' 'And though my love is rare/And though my love is true/Hey I'm just scared/That we may fall through.' and this new one sayin' that it hurts him to keep it to himself, I think I may finally be getting it.

I open the door to my apartment and brace my self for what is coming.

The door opens and I see Fraser standing in the middle of my living room, still dressed in his casual clothes, smiling at me. It's full of fear and uncertainty, but it's also full of hopeful promise. A promise of an eternity wrapped in his arms. It's all right there for me to take. All I have to is reach out and take it. The door softly closes behind me as I approach him. 

I reach out, and take him into my arms.

Tbc…

If anyone out there wants to take pity n me, and beta read for me, please let me know. Also, if anyone out there would be willing to write a sex scene for me I would _really_ not object. I would be forever grateful to you. I royally suck at them. As you can more than likely tell. 


	8. A Happy Ending

Notes and Disclaimers in Chapter one.  
  
Finally. hours upon days upon weeks upon months and finally I'm here in his arms. We've finally worked everything out, had some fantastic sex and I'm lying in his arms pretending to sleep listening to him hum as he trails his fingers up and down my arms. He pauses as if he is listening to something or trying to remember something and I here him start to recite something... My true-love hath my heart and I have his,  
  
By just exchange one for the other given:  
  
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss;  
  
There never was a bargain better driven.  
  
His heart in me keeps me and him in one;  
  
My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides:  
  
He loves my heart, for once it was his own;  
  
I cherish his because in me it bides.  
  
His heart his wound received from my sight;  
  
My heart was wounded with his wounded heart;  
  
For as from me on him his hurt did light,  
  
So still, methought, in me his hurt did smart:  
  
Both equal hurt, in this change sought our bliss,  
  
My true love hath my heart and I have his.  
  
That is one of the most beautiful things I ever heard. When it was said in that liquid honey voice, well, needless to say if I had been standing then I would have been in trouble 'cause my legs had just turned to mush. The man really did the most beautiful voice. He could recite the dictionary and people would sit enthralled. (Enthralled, see his being Canadian is even rubbing of on me. What next? Me opening doors for strangers? Nah.) "Ray?" Shit, guess he could tell that I was awake. Oh well, might as well bite the bullet. "Frase? Who wrote that?" "A man named Sir Phillip Syndey. It seemed appropriate." Yeah, perfect.  
  
As I drift of to wonderful dreams, only one thought runs through my mind... 'Shit, what's Vecchio gonna do when finds out about this?' ********** Fini ********** Well that's it people. What did you think? Good, bad, should I write more or should I just crawl back under my rock and stay there? Let me know! If anyone is inspired (if only) by this story to do a sequel, let me know so I can see the finished product. 


End file.
